Dog Tired

Once again, I find myself totally exhausted and out of balance, struggling to juggle the elements of mind, body and spirit, trying my best to avoid a total meltdown.

Anyone who has surfed the 'Good Dog Website' knows that depression, specifically 'manic-depression' (referred to as 'Bi-Polar Disorder' these days) was the initial inspiration for creating 'The Dog.'  That was over three years ago (2/2007).  Today, 'Good Dog' is still the best tool in my toolbox for maintaining some semblance of sanity.

So what's like to have 'Bi-Polar Disorder?' 
It's sneaky and insidious - creeping up on you when you least expect it.  For me, it starts with amazing bursts of creativity where I can work endless hours with ideas frantically flowing from my mind and through my fingers onto a keyboard faster than I can type.  It feels great to be on fire - why stop a good thing?  Besides, you don't really see yourself as manic - it usually takes a good friend, in my case - my darling girlfriend, Sandy.  Even being aware of the mania does not make it any easier to slow down - like I said, why stop when you're feeling so damned good.

What goes up, must come down!  This gets me to the sneaky, insidious part.  This type of mental illness persuades you that you're OK even when you clearly see that you're not.  But the mind and body have only so much energy and when you're amped up to 200%, night and day with little sleep - you are burning some serious energy.  And that's OK, for a awhile, because your mind is flying past the symptoms of exhaustion - pushing harder and harder with no regard for the inevitable crash that always follows a manic episode.  The episodes can last for hours, days or months - you never know.

And then one day, one hour, you just sit there, at the computer and there's nothing left.  And you don't care - you can't care.  Depression settles in.

I think depression is God's way of balancing the manic episodes (my theory).  There is quiet, peace and calm in depression, offering a safe place in which to rest, to gather your thoughts and regain energy.  It is self-imposed solitude and it feels great - at first.  Just like mania, the flip side of this teeter-totter (depression) if left unchecked and allowed to get too far out of balance can lead to painful isolation.

And this is the insanity of the insanity - welcome to my world.  There are things that can be done to help - my bag of tools include: diet, exercize, medication and maintaining my sobriety (big surprise - alcoholism; many 'Bi-Polar's' have addictions from self medicating the pain). 

You would think if you knew what would make you feel better, then you would just do it!  Therein lies another cruel twist of mental illness - the illness itself attacks your ability and 'desire' to help yourself.  Implementing solutions is like swimming through mollases - in order to survive, you just have to do it, 'Acting As If' you cared - taking those first steps and allowing God to carry you for the following.  Some days are better than others.

And one of my most effective tools - Putting out the 'Daily Good Dog.' This is something I love to dod, I must do!  It allows me to make friends with amazing supportive folks from all parts of the world.  The Dog forces me to focus on positive life-affirming thoughts.  And the satisfaction of knowing that it is helping people to empower themselves - each and every day - well, that's just 'priceless.'

I've written about this current episode to explain why, from time to time, I need to shut down.  As many of you know, I treat my life as an open book - I mean why hide the truth?

Soon, I will once again start creating 'Fresh Dogs.'  Until then, May (the power of) 'The Dog' be with you.

Louie Rochon

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